me when i hear one direction did something and i am just getting online
Ok but imagine every other Hogwarts student finding out each year why the Defense against the dark arts teacher has left.
"Harry Potter kiLLED HIM WITH HIS BARE HANDS?"
"Harry Potter erASED HIS ENTIRE MEMORY?"
"Harry Potter let hiM TURN INTO A WEREWOLF?"
"Harry Potter disCOVERED HIM IN CHEST??"
"Harry Potter let heR GET CAPTURED BY CENTAURS?"
Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”
Why does this not have any notes?
lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”
“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”
“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”
i used to be able to handle the Smooth and Elegant characterization of draco malfoy and have enjoyed on some level fic with this characterization but i can’t even enjoy it anymore, i just CAN’T, draco malfoy THINKS he is smooth and elegant but he is ACTUALLY a completely ridiculous and often totally incompetent human being who put an extraordinary amount of effort into a “potter stinks” campaign, spent a lot of time third year dramatically pretending to faint in front of an audience in the great hall, and got mauled by a hippogriff because he literally couldn’t hold off insulting the first breathing thing around for one minute of his life, an inability that also resulted in losing quidditch and getting the shit kicked out of him more than once because the child cannot fight and “talk shit get hit” is a foreign concept 2 him
can we picture him, bud, and croy making ~grotesque faces at harry across the entire great hall when rita skeeter’s article comes out before the third task, can u reconcile this with Elegant, Graceful, Sophisticated draco malfoy turning his nose up at, like, elements of interior design
you are BUYING INTO HIS GAME don’t buy into this trash child’s game