sarahcosima:

euo:

My main dilemma when I see a pretty girl is am I jealous of her or attracted to her? Do I want to be her or date her?

#wife goals or life goals

daysundercover:

me when i hear one direction did something and i am just getting online 

image

every-flavored-bean:

Ok but imagine every other Hogwarts student finding out each year why the Defense against the dark arts teacher has left.

"Harry Potter kiLLED HIM WITH HIS BARE HANDS?"

"Harry Potter erASED HIS ENTIRE MEMORY?"

"Harry Potter let hiM TURN INTO A WEREWOLF?"

"Harry Potter disCOVERED HIM IN CHEST??"

"Harry Potter let heR GET CAPTURED BY CENTAURS?"

  • harry: *eats non organic fruit*
  • harry girls: dark harry

operameister:

thisismythanksgivingurl-gobble:

agentgreenfishy:

poselikeateam:

fuck-i-just:

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”

Why does this not have any notes?

lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”

“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”

“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”

jmalfroy:

i used to be able to handle the Smooth and Elegant characterization of draco malfoy and have enjoyed on some level fic with this characterization but i can’t even enjoy it anymore, i just CAN’T, draco malfoy THINKS he is smooth and elegant but he is ACTUALLY a completely ridiculous and often totally incompetent human being who put an extraordinary amount of effort into a “potter stinks” campaign, spent a lot of time third year dramatically pretending to faint in front of an audience in the great hall, and got mauled by a hippogriff because he literally couldn’t hold off insulting the first breathing thing around for one minute of his life, an inability that also resulted in losing quidditch and getting the shit kicked out of him more than once because the child cannot fight and “talk shit get hit” is a foreign concept 2 him

can we picture him, bud, and croy making ~grotesque faces at harry across the entire great hall when rita skeeter’s article comes out before the third task, can u reconcile this with Elegant, Graceful, Sophisticated draco malfoy turning his nose up at, like, elements of interior design 

you are BUYING INTO HIS GAME don’t buy into this trash child’s game

dean-the-piesexual:

OK STORY TIME I WAS BABYSITTING THIS 6 YEAR OLD BOY AND WE ATE POPSICLES, THIS WAS THE JOKE ON MINE AND I TOLD IT TO HIM, BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOU DO WITH JOKES AND SO LIKE A DAY LATER I GET THIS CALL FROM HIS MOM AND SHE SAYS “My son told me an inappropriate joke today, and he told me he got it from you” AND I WAS SUPER CONFUSED??? SO I ASKED HER WHAT THE JOKE WAS AND APPARENTLY HE SAID “how do skeletons communicate? They bone each other” I AM SO DONE

dean-the-piesexual:

OK STORY TIME I WAS BABYSITTING THIS 6 YEAR OLD BOY AND WE ATE POPSICLES, THIS WAS THE JOKE ON MINE AND I TOLD IT TO HIM, BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOU DO WITH JOKES AND SO LIKE A DAY LATER I GET THIS CALL FROM HIS MOM AND SHE SAYS “My son told me an inappropriate joke today, and he told me he got it from you” AND I WAS SUPER CONFUSED??? SO I ASKED HER WHAT THE JOKE WAS AND APPARENTLY HE SAID “how do skeletons communicate? They bone each other” I AM SO DONE

"The writer’s job is to get the main character up a tree, and then once they are up there, throw rocks at them."
Vladimir Nabokov (via iapprovethispost)
protowilson:

betterbemeta:

This tea is awful. It’s fucking disgusting. Don’t believe that lazy shit idyllic pastoral landscape on the goddamn cardboard box. It’s a damn lie and if you drink this tea you’ll know the heart of minty darkness
Like OK I appreciate that it tries to prepare you for whats inside by a cute picture on the box. Fresh green mint leaves, and some candy cane sticks to get you in that shitty assfaced Christmas mood. Look it’s even tied with a repugnant little red bow. fuck this tea.
So if you open the box and immediately steep a cup prepare to get one of those cute lil candy canes up your FUCKING NOSE and in your FUCKING EYES because this shit doesn’t know personal space in the same way a demon from hell doesn’t know a loving God.
I hope you like drinking your throat lozenges because here’s a blistering stream an actual menthol golem would piss down your fucking throat while you gag on its candy-striped wiener. 
So you lock this shit in a box for 3 months while you recover from the worst toothpaste-flavored blowjob of your life and maybe get yourself together again. You recover. You move on. Things are looking pretty up and you think back, well maybe that godforsaken tea didn’t really taste like a peppermint Siberia. So you make a cup like the foolish piece of shit you are
and you’re right, but so wrong about the character and nature of your mistake you might as well star in Greek tragedy. You pathetic bag of bollocks.
because in the months its been locked in a top-shelf tomb the life and vehement mint-based hatred for the physical world has withered and desiccated out of its soulless teabag husks.
Now what you have got in your fucking unfortunate mug is a hot steaming cup of fuck you that tastes like the inside of the birch tree on the fucking box, or maybe Santa’s tears mixed with mummy dust, or midwinter leaf litter a vaguely minty dog only rolled in once.
The aftertaste stinks of wax. Why wax? Because it wants to remind you that you’re the kid who ate birthday candles in first grade, that’s why. And every single other bad decision you now regret.
fuck this tea. fuck it, it tastes like a hollow  mannequin of a tea, hot leaf swill unfit to fertilize even fake fucking flowers.Maybe you could tan leather in it. I don’t fucking know but get it away from me and the human race. Fucking shoot it at the moon where it belongs with all of the other celestial fucking seasonings. fuck

I never thought I’d reblog a tea review but here we are.

protowilson:

betterbemeta:

This tea is awful. It’s fucking disgusting. Don’t believe that lazy shit idyllic pastoral landscape on the goddamn cardboard box. It’s a damn lie and if you drink this tea you’ll know the heart of minty darkness

Like OK I appreciate that it tries to prepare you for whats inside by a cute picture on the box. Fresh green mint leaves, and some candy cane sticks to get you in that shitty assfaced Christmas mood. Look it’s even tied with a repugnant little red bow. fuck this tea.

So if you open the box and immediately steep a cup prepare to get one of those cute lil candy canes up your FUCKING NOSE and in your FUCKING EYES because this shit doesn’t know personal space in the same way a demon from hell doesn’t know a loving God.

I hope you like drinking your throat lozenges because here’s a blistering stream an actual menthol golem would piss down your fucking throat while you gag on its candy-striped wiener. 

So you lock this shit in a box for 3 months while you recover from the worst toothpaste-flavored blowjob of your life and maybe get yourself together again. You recover. You move on. Things are looking pretty up and you think back, well maybe that godforsaken tea didn’t really taste like a peppermint Siberia. So you make a cup like the foolish piece of shit you are

and you’re right, but so wrong about the character and nature of your mistake you might as well star in Greek tragedy. You pathetic bag of bollocks.

because in the months its been locked in a top-shelf tomb the life and vehement mint-based hatred for the physical world has withered and desiccated out of its soulless teabag husks.

Now what you have got in your fucking unfortunate mug is a hot steaming cup of fuck you that tastes like the inside of the birch tree on the fucking box, or maybe Santa’s tears mixed with mummy dust, or midwinter leaf litter a vaguely minty dog only rolled in once.

The aftertaste stinks of wax. Why wax? Because it wants to remind you that you’re the kid who ate birthday candles in first grade, that’s why. And every single other bad decision you now regret.

fuck this tea. fuck it, it tastes like a hollow  mannequin of a tea, hot leaf swill unfit to fertilize even fake fucking flowers.Maybe you could tan leather in it. I don’t fucking know but get it away from me and the human race. Fucking shoot it at the moon where it belongs with all of the other celestial fucking seasonings. fuck

I never thought I’d reblog a tea review but here we are.

alexandranikole:

twerknugget:

i feel so bad and then the end

"Okay"

charlesoberonn:

konkeydongcountry:

anna-hiwatari:

longlivethehokage:

so i made a thing

and i continued

"I Only Know of Entry-Level Anime:" the Photoset

Entry Level Anime? Is this like a job market? “I’m sorry, I can’t let you watch Monster, you didn’t even hand in your Death Note application. Do you even know your honorifics?”

plaidshirtsandheadscarves:

harryandtommo:

julian bulian gives some insight on what kind of sound the new album has

Um, Julian? You realize that your dash says HARRY AND TOMMO followed by emojis that could be translated to mean “Explosion of cum after a blow job that requires sleep because it was solo hot” right?
Just checking.

plaidshirtsandheadscarves:

harryandtommo:

julian bulian gives some insight on what kind of sound the new album has

Um, Julian? You realize that your dash says HARRY AND TOMMO followed by emojis that could be translated to mean “Explosion of cum after a blow job that requires sleep because it was solo hot” right?

Just checking.